it’s been a minute since my last post! delayed in part by a commitment to moving away from substack after their CEO praised el*n m*sk but also because i’ve felt generally too exhausted and flattened by our current political climate to write anything that would feel nice to share.

general updates

some things that have happened in the last two months:

• my surgery came and went so much better than i expected! i practiced vulnerability and asking for help and found that none of the things i was most afraid of came to pass. i’m so grateful to have had such wonderful friends caring for me and to be finally rid of a major source of dysphoria and discomfort. the worst of it was feeling severely fatigued for weeks so i spent a lot of time lazing around with a revitalized interest in playing animal crossing. i spent several weeks perfecting my island and then decided i didn’t like it and leveled the whole thing and now here i am with nothing to show for my time and only about 20% as much motivation and available time to finish it again.

‍

‍

• i hosted weekly severance viewing nights at my house for the entirety of season 2 which culminated in a special finale edition with an elaborate themed spread including too many deviled eggs and chamomile cookies baked by ciel. it’s been a lovely way to schedule regular time with my friends so i’m continuing this week with a screening of shrek followed by a marxist analysis of shrek (also courtesy of ciel).
• i turned 30 and don’t feel much different but that’s probably because i’ve spent the last year in a state of hyper-accelerated growth as mentioned before. i celebrated by hosting a little screening of E.T. (a childhood favorite) and my friends surprised me with a wild sampler of some of the best cake i’ve ever had. ava and eli both made me the cutest hand-drawn cards and andre and i shotgunned seltzers together over my sink. winnie and i also saw a movie and visited the aquarium (free on your birthday!) and had a lovely time admiring the hippos and attempting to correctly identify fish. my gift to myself will come later this year when sabrina and i go see bad bunny at his puerto rican residency. there’s something so correct about that for 30.

‍

‍

‍

• i attended goosefest™️, a special event addie planned to celebrate the winter goose migration. we couldn’t see it in person as originally planned due to the bird flu but we made it work with a little brunch, an hours-long game of wingspan, a robot-manned live feed of the goose migration, and a viewing of fly away home (during which i immediately conked out, if i’m being honest, but i’ll revisit at some point). honk if you’re a goose!

‍

‍

• i’ve become obsessed with the blindboy podcast, which is a true delight i’ve been describing to people as “a well-researched podcast by a highly autistic irish man about whatever he wants to talk about that week.” i’m currently in the middle of an episode entitled “valentines cards come from the pagan ritual of slapping bare arses with the hide of a skinned dog.” every episode is interesting and entertaining and i will continue to recommend it to everyone. if you give it a listen, lmk what you think.
• i got my bike fixed up and went for a 10+ mile group ride that absolutely annihilated my ass and also ate shit on the trolley tracks but i love riding my bike and i’m so happy to be back at it.
• west philly spring is here again! the birds are singing and the cherry blossoms are blooming and clover is losing her shit about squirrels. i’m trying not to be as bitter about spring as i was last year now that i’m approaching one year without BML, but i’m still not sure if i’ll actually be able to enjoy it or if it’ll just piss me off again. either way please check on me in the coming weeks and force me to get out of my house.

my take on raoul’s bean nosh

inspired by a delicious bean dish raoul made for me during my surgery recovery, which immediately became my easy weeknight neurodivergent hyperfixation meal. (still going strong!)

raoul made his version with heavy cream and i typically make it with half & half, but i also made a vegan version for sabrina subbing in earth balance for butter and cashew cream for the half & half and parm, which was equally delicious and didn’t take much more time or effort to prepare.

you’ll need:

• 1 tbsp butter
• 1-2 shallots
• 1 yellow onion
• 3-4 cloves garlic
• 1 beefsteak tomato
• 2 tbsp tomato paste
• 1 cup vegetable broth
• 2 cans white beans (your choice, i use both cannellini and butter beans)
• a few handfuls of baby spinach (you could also try this with kale or chard)
• 1/2 cup half & half
• 1/2 cup grated parmesan
• smoked paprika
• red pepper flakes
• salt & pepper
• crusty bread for serving

to cook:

1. melt butter over medium heat
2. once butter is melted, throw in shallot and onion, season with salt, and sauté until softened — about 5-7 minutes
3. add garlic to the pan and sauté until fragrant — about 1 minute
4. add tomato, tomato paste, and smoked paprika to the pan and stir to coat
5. add vegetable broth and white beans. bring to a boil, then drop to a simmer and let cook uncovered for 5 minutes or until the vegetable broth has mostly reduced
6. meanwhile, lightly toast your crusty bread — this will be the vehicle for the beans
7. take off heat, toss in a few handfuls of baby spinach, and stir until wilted
8. add half & half and grated parmesan
9. finish with red pepper flakes and black pepper
10. spread the beans over your crusty bread or simply tear off some chunks and dip it directly into the dish and NOSH

theydevil tape reissue!

quick plug for my sibling’s project theydevil — deviltown tapes reissued their album “maybe you’ll find me” on tape this month. these songs are so special; hughes has wisdom beyond their years and they put so much of it in these songs and i’m so proud of them. my favorite lines change all the time but some that feel consistently comforting and quintessentially hughes to me (from “skins”): i’m coming into myself ‘cause i have to / running home to the shelf where i kept you to / fill it up with my books and my seashells / coming into myself.

give it a listen and buy it on bandcamp/buy a tape from deviltown if there’s even any left. they are in short supply.

that’s all i have for now — still feeling kind of wiped. tell me what’s lifting your energy atm?