cursed fb marketplace

the human experience is such a rich tapestry.

CB
March 25, 2025

my facebook marketplace feed is one of thee most cursed places on the internet. i’ve gotten several genuinely good scores through marketplace, but mostly the algorithm serves me listings on a spectrum that generally ranges from mildly unhinged to obviously and unambiguously haunted.

i’m so fascinated by the items people choose to list, the descriptions they choose to write, the photos they choose to advertise their listings. i can’t believe some of these items were ever even manufactured. i approach facebook marketplace less as a place to purchase secondhand goods and more as a site for anthropological study.

in the last year i’ve started saving particularly notable listings to an album in my phone called “cursed fb marketplace” which i look at occasionally when i need a little giggle or a reminder that the human experience is such a rich tapestry, there are so many different kinds of people in the world and so much i do not and will never understand, etc. i think we could all use a little of that every now and again so here are some of my finds.

mildly unhinged listings

an olive futon with many large and abnormal rips and tears. the seller's description reads: "upholstery project. has been stabbed a few times 😂 but, other than that less than a year old."
??????????????
a fluffy black cat perched atop a small table. the listing title is "stupid table."
the stupid table description reads: “stupid table in excellent condition. it’s stupid because it’s too tall for my couch to be a coffee table and too short to be anything else, but mostly because it reminds me of my ex. it’s really solid and durable (unlike this past situationship) and from ikea… as you can see, my cat loves it and wishes we could keep it, but he also felt the same way about my ex so his opinion can’t be trusted. please come take it off my hands on the UES so i don’t descend into madness everytime i look at it! thanks in advance!”
marketing genius queen.
a guitar wall-mount with the listing title, "ruining my husbands dreams!"
there was no description at all on this one but i personally would love more context.
a small teddy bear with a detached head by its side. the description reads, “this teddy bear is about 70 years old. it is in very good condition, except for the need to have its head reattached.”
oh okay so just that then!

cursed listings

a glass-top table with a strange lion sculpture underneath, where the lion is positioned on its back with its legs splayed.
don’t even know what to say about this one. just take a gander.
a "vintage wooden posable man" posed in a bent over stance.
WHY did they bend him over like this.
a child in a chair but the image was edited to make the child's head completely invisible, so they look headless. the description reads, "great item super sturdy. holds a large 9 year old headless child."
this was so unsettling to me the first time i saw it. at a glance i thought it was one of those neural network-created images where everything is familiar but nothing is real or identifiable.
an adult swing with a description that reads, simply, "no box"
it’s the “no box” that elevates this listing to cursed status in my opinion.
a bowling ball featuring an extremely distorted photo of elvis's face.
this is an all-time great find. i would LOVE to see this ball rolling down the lanes.
a run down, torn up, and dirty clown face moon bounce. the description reads, "as-it-is needs cleaning, repairs, and TLC. i just discovered this in my storage. i always thought that it was a tent. where could you find another?"
if it were 2012 i would post this run down sad looking moon bounce photo on tumblr with the caption “gpoy” and get 100k reblogs.

unambiguously haunted listings

an ominous close-up of the face of a ronald mcdonald statue with the listing title, "take a break today mcdonalds ronald."
friends should prepare for me to start sending them this photo as a somewhat ominous reminder to rest and take care of themselves.
a cursed gray wooden sculpture with a large head, 4 spindly legs, and long black hair which appears to be human. the listing title reads, "careful what you wish for," and the item sold for $40,000.
the description includes testimonies from three previous owners of this sculpture detailing the misfortunes they’ve experienced since taking it into their possession, including divorce and the death and hospitalization of family members.
this is a genuinely cursed artifact. zero ambiguity. i’m not going to post the other photo i have but just know it’s actually so much worse than you think.
a 3D blow up target meant to resemble a bear, but it looks like a large plastic figure stuffed with raw meat.
what the FUCK!!
a 1 bed 1 bath apartment listing whose cover photo shows a row of cages in a gray room, resembling prison cells or animal shelter cages.
millennial gray 😍

i won’t share any listings with images of people out of respect for their privacy even though those are often the most interesting. it’s a lot of photos of men curled up inside large objects like crates and pickup truck beds making baby faces and sucking their thumbs. i’m not kidding and someone smarter than i am should study this.

there are also so many selfies of older women taken way too close to their face so they look like they were taken accidentally and they never have anything at all to do with the listings. they’ll show up on, like, a listing for a boat. really makes you think.

i promise to share some cute/fun/wholesome/silly listings soon, because i do occasionally see those too. in the meantime i’d recommend everyone be careful about the marketplace listings you choose to open because you may unintentionally influence the algorithm to surface only the most cursed content. ask me how i know.

thanks for reading!

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