what is this? 

hello and welcome to my newsletter. i will not promise to update this with any regularity or any specific content, but i can promise to have fun writing it! it feels like writing a myspace bulletin except i’m an adult now so i’m not using it to do surveys (why did we do those) or call anyone a poser bitch, which is a thing i did at 12 years old that left me without computer privileges for a year.

what i’ve been doing

october was a busy month for me — lots happened, good and bad. a few positive highlights: 

• i hosted a spooky movie night at my apartment, which i would like to do more regularly. we watched bodies, bodies, bodies and had hot cider and popcorn and there was so much seltzer in my fridge for days afterward because everyone brought seltzer and it was all very cute and fun.
• i went to lehigh gorge state park for what would have been BML’s 30th birthday with hughes and moss and our new friend sarah. we sat on some rocks by the water and hiked up a waterfall and talked and watched the train roll by and smoked a camel blue and missed BML. on the drive to and from, hughes and i listened to a playlist BML made me around 2014 followed by some 2014 BML-coded albums (never hungover again, get disowned, get better) and got taco bell in their honor. then i watched scenic railway videos on youtube (another fav of BML’s) until i fell asleep.

• in early 2021 i bought a small rebounder trampoline which my roommate josh and i used every day in my third floor apartment. winnie and i busted it out again recently and it has improved my quality of life and is perfect for my pre-surgery cardio. please send me songs to bounce to.
• i made a moldy strawberry costume the night before halloween that turned out so much better than i thought it would. i didn’t take any photos of the finished product, but we took some wonderfully strange group photos on addie’s digicam and i captured my makeup in progress.

so far in november: 

• i had an allergic reaction to an eye cream and i temporarily lost my phone outside.
• i watched coco (2017) for the first time, which was a real Choice for me to do on día de los muertos the year my best friend died.
• i set up a meal train for my hysterectomy recovery — i will need all the support i can get, so please sign up for something if you’re able! 

some things i’ve been thinking about

• linear time (absolutely Fuck it) 
• what my dog is thinking about
• death and dying
• how capybaras can run as fast as horses
• how i heard the phrase “i’m on the side of all oppressed people under the boot of US imperialism” from a man who complains about wearing condoms on love is blind s7
• how hysterectomy is fairly akin to disembowelment (sorry but it’s true and i’m scared!) 
• my 444 unread texts and how am i ever going to answer them
• the goddamned motherfucking shitass presidential election

fundraiser update

over the summer, i was connected with organizers on the ground in cairo and fundraised to help omar, a 26-year-old from gaza, rebuild his family restaurant after he and his family of eleven were forced to evacuate. we met our fundraising goal and then ran into so many road blocks intended to prevent palestinians from receiving and accessing funds, but i was finally able to send the funds successfully at the beginning of october.

in the time it took for us to get the funds to omar, the space he’d wanted for the restaurant was rented, so he’s looking for a new space in giza where his family is now located in a much better living situation. at the time his family relocated to egypt, his daughter was in the NICU. now, she’s healthy and happy and one of the cutest babies i’ve ever seen in my life, and all of omar’s school-aged children are back in school. his sister salma, for whom the group had also raised funds to cover university registration fees, has started school as well.

getting these updates made my heart feel indescribably full. please donate to dahnoun mutual aid to support displaced families like omar’s and broader resource distribution efforts in gaza.

gifts for you

my perfected lentil shepherd’s pie

*disclaimer: measurements are based on vibes. do what feels right! 

**not vegan but could easily be made vegan if you omit the cheese, use non-dairy milk, and sub in non-dairy sour cream. you could even try mixing in tahini and a little lemon juice instead of sour cream idk i haven’t tried it but it could be something. i probably wouldn’t sub in store-bought vegan cheese because i’m not sure about the melt factor, but you could try nutritional yeast or make some kind of cashew cream situation and skip the milk.

***yields about 6-9 servings depending on the size of your pan or dish and portion sizes. good for a little dinner with a cutie plus leftovers in my experience.

for the filling:

• 1 carton button mushrooms, finely diced
• 1 carrot, finely diced
• 3 large yellow onions, diced
• half a bulb of garlic (about 8 cloves), grated/minced
• 1 tbsp thyme leaves
• 1 tbsp paprika
• 1/4 cup tomato paste
• 1 1/2 cups green lentils
• 3 2/3 cups vegetable broth
• 3 bay leaves
• 1 tbsp tamari (or soy sauce)
• 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 1/4 cup tahini
• olive oil
• salt & pepper

for the mashed potato top:

• 4 gold potatoes, cubed
• 2/3 cup white cheddar cheese, shredded (you can use yellow cheddar too, this is mainly a color preference) 
• 2 tbsp sour cream
• 2 tbsp butter, cut into smaller pieces
• 1/4 cup (maybe a little less) neutral milk (non-dairy or dairy — i used unsweetened soy milk) 
• 1 small bunch garlic chives, chopped
• olive oil
• salt & pepper

kitchen equipment:

• potato masher (you can use a fork if you don’t have one, but it is a lot easier with a masher!) 
• oven-proof pan or dish

cooking instructions:

1. preheat oven to 375°
2. salt and sauté mushrooms dry over medium high in an oven-proof pan (if you don’t have an oven-proof pan, you can transfer the filling to an oven-proof dish when it’s ready to bake) 
3. add a drizzle of olive oil, carrot, and onion to the pan and sauté and stir occasionally until onions are softened — about 8-10 minutes
4. add garlic, thyme, paprika, and a little more salt to the pan and sauté and stir occasionally until garlic is fragrant — about 1 minute
5. make a well in the center of the veggie mixture and add tomato paste to the well, then stir until well-combined — the paste should coat all the veggies
6. add lentils, vegetable broth, and bay leaves. bring them to a boil, then reduce heat and let simmer until lentils are soft and have absorbed most of the vegetable broth — about 20 minutes
7. meanwhile, boil potatoes in salted water until fork-tender but not fully falling apart — about 10-15 minutes
8. drain potatoes, transfer to bowl, and mash with potato masher
9. add salt, butter, and sour cream to the bowl and continue to mash
10. add milk or additional sour cream and continue to mash until potatoes reach a creamy consistency — they should feel spreadable and have an almost whipped quality
11. stir in most of the white cheddar — save some to broil on top later
12. taste and make sure it’s perfect
13. when the lentils have absorbed most of the vegetable broth, remove from heat and stir in balsamic vinegar, tahini, and tamari (or soy sauce) 
14. transfer filling to an oven-proof dish, if you need
15. top filling with mashed potatoes and spread (a rubber spatula is helpful here). make sure to fully cover the filling and be careful not to mix it together with the mashed potatoes; the potatoes should be a topper
16. add a small drizzle of olive oil, salt, and pepper on top of the mashed potatoes and bake for 20 minutes
17. (optional) crack open a fancy seltzer or club soda, you deserve it
18. cover with reserved white cheddar and set your oven to broil. broil until cheese has melted and golden brown peaks appear
19. remove from heat and let cool for 10 minutes before serving. top with chopped garlic chives and ENJOY 

this reheats wonderfully in the microwave and is just as good on day 2. the tahini REALLY does something lovely and surprising in the filling. i love her.

joy has a habit of returning. btw

i think the origin of this phrase was a tumblr post. i have borrowed it as a name for a playlist for when goodness starts to make its way back into your life (or when you need to remember that goodness will eventually make its way back into your life) after a particularly hard season. i hope it helps you regulate your nervous system and gives you some soft and warm (maybe hesitant, but still warm) feelings. i think we’re gonna need that over the next few weeks.

that’s all i got friends! i’m very nervous about the next couple of days but i am looking forward to pluto leaving capricorn once and for all and i am wishing you all a warm november.